Friends Come And Go…

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As a mother of two, one of the things that’s become the most apparent in my life, is that not all friendships are meant to last forever. I don’t think thats necessarily a bad thing either. I think we are all destined to change.
We change everything, from our choice in clothes to our taste in music. Change is all we can really be sure of.
Its a constant theme in all our lives. Whether for the better or not, is really up to us.

I’m one of those people who believes in fate. I believe in fate due to several major events in my life, up until this point. So many close calls will do that to a person. Its obvious, if I’m still here there’s a reason.

I think everyone whether they think so or not, is on their own chosen path. Sometimes we deviate from those paths, but fate can intervene at times to push us back on track.

This has brought me to my latest epiphany; we are not meant to carry every friendship we have ever made, with us forever.

Looking back I have noticed, there are times in my life when I was closer to some people, then others. Sometimes it felt like It was meant to be, and then it wasn’t.

Other times I think we meet up with people who are at the same crossroads as us, and we unconsciously recognize this.

Its such a human quality to think everything lasts forever.The truth is nothing ever stays the same. Life moves in all different directions at once.

I have had friends I have known most of my life, who I no longer speak to. We have drifted apart, and that’s okay. I guess some people, are only supposed to be in your life for a little while.

I think we were there for each other because we were meant to be.  Maybe not forever, but for that time in that place. When you connect like that with some people, you carry it with you for the rest of your life.

Even when they are no longer a major part of your life, the memories stay.

Thinking back on it now, every person who has truly touched my life, has changed it.

Some I connected with in some of the worst times of my life. Drawn together by similar human experiences, and finding someone in whom we could relate.

Some I will never see again. Some I only speak to on occasion, but its always like no time has passed. Some I haven’t spoken to in years. Some I hang out with often.

With all of these friends I truly felt they appreciated me for me. Its a rare thing when you feel comfortable enough to be yourself completely.

Every person who has touched my life in one way or another, have helped to make me who I am today.

The saying friends come and go is so true. For me though, I am grateful for both the ones that came and the ones that went…

The rules of engagment, with other peoples kids

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As a parent I try to always be respectful to other peoples children. Actually I was like this before I was a parent. I think I’m just more aware of it now.  Once you have your own children, it quickly becomes apparent what is and what isn’t, an appropriate reaction to other peoples kids. Every once in awhile, you meet someone who just doesn’t care, and when you do it completely shocks you.

Recently I have had the “pleasure” of being around such a person. This is what has prompted me to write this blog. I thought to myself, I can’t be the only parent out there dealing with a person like this. Especially if your in a situation like I am, and are trying to be diplomatic about the whole thing, so as not to upset anyone else, like a friend or family member of the person.

So a few weeks back my husband and I took our kids over to a friendly get together, which we attend once in awhile. At these get together’s there are other kids running around playing with our kids. While all the parents get a chance to catch up. A good time is had by all. Usually.

Lately it feels like one of the adults has singled out my youngest child, and deemed her a brat. Now for the most part my four year old was pretty we’ll behaved. She is however still a small child, which goes without saying she also acts like a small child. Crazy I know.

A couple weeks back this person heard me ask my child to stop running and, took it upon themselves to yell at my child, over me and her dad telling her to stop running. I should point out that she wasn’t the only one running, but she was the only one who was singled out. This has happend on more then one occasion. With this same person and my youngest child. Let me tell you, hearing another person raise their voice at your child is not only shocking, its humiliating for my child and me.

Afterwards I thought back on the situation, and how I could have politely schooled this person on how to deal with another’s child (or for those who just don’t get it).

Rules of engagement when dealing with my or anyone else’s child,

1. If my child is breaking some rule, its my job as the parent to handle it. Please don’t take it upon yourself to raise your voice at my child (honestly if it would have been a teacher they would of lost there job, just saying) I prefer I be the only one yelling at my kids, and usually that only happens after they have slowly driven me crazy all day, and when we are well away from prying eyes.

2. If you feel my child needs to be reprimanded please come and tell me the parent, and I will take it from there. As parents our job is to protect our children, having another person who really doesn’t know my child raise their voice at them, tends to bring the mama bear out in me no matter who you are.

3. Please don’t call any child a  liar (PERIOD). Even if you think my child is lying about the toy she brought. If its not your child or it has nothing to do with your child, please stay out of it.

Really its not like I wanted the damn toy in the first place, but if she’s that adamant she brought it (it did look familiar), and if it is hers, she has the right to take it home. Just for the record, it was later proven by an eye witness that she did bring the stupid 50¢ purple dinosaur in question with her. Believe me I would much rather leave it there so as to slowly thin out there toy collection. It just so happens on this night my sweet little angel knew exactly what she brought with her, and was going to have a major blow out if she didn’t leave with it (she slipped by me that night, usually my number one rule because of situations like this is, NO toys outside the car)

So there it, is my three simple rules of engagement when it comes to avoiding conflict over other people’s kids. Honestly I don’t even like yelling at my own kids, let alone yelling at someone else’s. Believe me my hands are full enough already, and unless the other kids are hurting themselves or someone else, I’m just going to keep on walking. Who’s with me?

The day my daughter was diagnosed with A.D.D

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At eight years old my daughter was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. That was the day I realized just how much she would have to overcome in her life to succeed.

I knew it was coming and still it hit me like a ton of bricks. She would be affected her entire school career, if not her whole life.

My first thought was how are we going to overcome this? What is my next step? I knew we could not continue like this. She had been steadily struggling in school since well, preschool.

When my daughter was four years old she liked to run EVERYWHERE. We constantly had to tell her to slow down.
One time she even slipped on the hardwood floor while running in socks, and knocked her tooth out! She knocked it out completely from root to tip. It was the first time she ever got hurt that bad and I was freaking out worse then her on the way to the hospital.

When we got there, I mentioned to the doctor how she was constantly running around.

He suggested I  take her to our physician, and have her tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. He also said that some kids are just really hyper, and over time they tend to calm down.

Of course at that age my doctors said she was too young to be tested. She also started to calm down a little more every year.

From kindergarten till third grade, every night we would sit together and work on her homework. It was a major struggle. Some nights would be filled with tears, from her and I.

The frustration I felt from not being able to help my child with some of the simplest things would get to me. As for her she never gave up. She never complained.

Every year I would meet with her teacher, a school psychologist, and the resource teacher about having her tested. Finally in third grade they agreed something needed to be done.
She had been up for retention every year since she started school.

The school as well as her doctor tested her. The results were in, she had A.D.D. (Inattentive Disorder).
She was also diagnosed with a learning disability because of this.

She would always forget things at school or on the bus. At school she had a hard time focusing on class work, and at home if I asked her to do something she would forget almost immediately.

Of course I didn’t realize that was a symptom. I felt awful all those times she got lectured about leaving her stuff at school or not doing whatever it was I asked her to do.

On our last meeting with the school, I sat there as they said that her results showed that she didn’t qualify for resource. I thought wtf? I just sat there stunned.

They went on to say her test results showed she was a low average in all areas, and that’s why she didn’t qualify. I couldn’t help it I started to cry. All those years of sitting there every night struggling to help her, and that’s it, she doesn’t qualify for the only help I thought there was.

I started to feel my anger rise. What the hell was a low average anyway? She needed help and I was going to get it.

Before I could get any further her teacher (bless that women) told me not worry there was another way for her to get the help she needed without being held back, or going to resource. That was the first time I heard of a 504 plan.

A 504 plan is for a child with a learning disability. It will give them extra accommodations all through out their school career.

Such as their school work being cut back, or quiet testing areas for when they’re taking tests. Every year I will meet with her new teacher, and we will decide what needs to be in place for that year based on how she did the previous year.

To me it was a godsend not only will she be able to continue on with her classmates, but she will also have these accommodations all the way through school. I could breath a little easier from then on.

Since then her school work was cut down and she has been able to do most of it on her own without feeling overwhelmed.

She’s got her confidence back because with a little less homework its easier to memorize all her spelling words and she’s able to ace them.

Her teacher will give her a little more work every week based on what she shows she can handle.

As for her disorder I have chose not to give her any medications at this time.
If one day she is struggling again we will cross that road when we get to it.

As for now I’m just glad we finally got it figured out.There is help out there for those who need it. Anyone who’s struggling like we did, don’t give up.

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
The one thing I have learned from this experience is that as a parent, I am and will continue to be my daughters champion. I will not take no for an answer when it comes to her, or her education.
She will succeed no matter what!